Happy Birthday Ulquiorrakun!
by The Lord of Flames
Summary: When Ulquiorra realizes it's his birthday, he sets out to find the person responsible for one of the worst things to happen to him - a birthday party! Ulqui/Hime, quite random. One-shot


**Okay, just a little something I wrote to commemorate Ulquiorra's birthday, which is today, December 1st! Just one more thing: Happy Birthday Ulqui-kun!**

Ulquiorra knew it. Something was off. Everyone was talking to him less than usual today (which was almost none), and everyone was acting secretive and quiet. There was something going on, and Ulquiorra intended to find out. First, he went to the onna, who blushed and avoided the question. Next, he went to Aizen-sama, who ignored the question and told him to take the day off. Ulquiorra went to the gigantic calendar that Aizen-sama always kept on the wall, and took a look.

_December 1st, December 1st..._

Ulquiorra put his finger on the date, looking at the single event taking place that day.

_My birthday?_

Realization dawned on the Cuarto as he figured out what all the smoke and mirrors was for. They were throwing him a 'birthday party'.

Provided with this new information, Ulquiorra was determined to find out who planned his party and subject them to endless torture.

Ulquiorra threw the door to Coyote Starrk's room wide open, immediately receiving a sharp jab in thew ribs from fraccion, Lilynette Gingerbuck. Holding his stomach, Ulquiorra took a look around. No signs of partying. Damn. After being beaten repeatedly by Lilynette, Ulquiorra left. Onto the next Espada.

After five more Espada, his luck had not improved. Mala suerte.

After a long day of searching with no result, he trudged back to his room, tired and annoyed. He walked down the hall to his room, wondering why the halls were so especially empty that particular day. He pulled open the door to his quarters, and the room exploded in vibrant colors and sickening shades of pink.

Around him, all of his allies stood, everyone with a birthday hat on their head, or in Aaroniero's case, heads. The onna ran up to him, and everyone in the room shouted,

"Surprise! Happy birthday, Ulquiorra!"

Ulquiorra stepped further into his room, puzzled by the decorations. Large photos of him, arguing with Grimmjow, pulling out his eyeball, and a strange one with him in black and a cowl with strange pointy ears over his head. He turned back to his fellow Espada, a very confused look on his face. Tia Harribel stepped forward to offer up and explaination.

"You see, Ulquiorra, Orihime-chan here was wondering why we weren't celebrating for your birthday, to which we replied that we never really thought about it. So, she contacted all of the Espada, and invited them to 'Ulquiorra-kun's fantastic wonderful super beautiful sexy sexy amazing glamorous dashing handsome exotic erotic magnum awesome birthday party'. If you can't tell already, she contacted Cuulhorne to create the name. Anyways, everyone showed up, whether they wanted to or not."

Tia gestured to a pile of bodies in the corner of the room, and Ulquiorra could make out the faces of Grimmjow, Nnoitra, and Starrk. He almost smiled.

"Now, we just want you to have a fun party and enjoy yourself. Look, we even got snacks from the Human world!"

Tia gestured to a pile of snacks on a table, random bags of 'chips' and cans of 'soda' among other things.

Szayelaporro jumped up onto a table, kicking the unconscious Grimmjow in the face in the process.

"Now let's get this party started!"

Several hours, drinks and visits from Gin later, Ulquiorra was in the middle of a game of strip poker. Unfortunately, he was losing. He excused himself from the table and stepped outside. Orihime saw him leave and quickly stepped out just as Szayelaporro got up onto the table to stage dive.

Ulquiorra watched Orihime step into the hallway next to him, and gave a big smile. It wasn't like anyone would remember; they were all dead drunk. She sidled up closer to him and put her arm around him.

"Did I do well, Ulquiorra-kun? Planning your birthday party?"

Ulquiorra laughed, a clear beautiful laugh that carried out over Hueco Mundo. He hugged Orihime, and replied.

"Yes you did, Onn - Orihime."

They embraced for many moments, and time seemed to stand still, until Orihime broke the silence, saying.

"Ulquiorra? You do realize we are both naked, right?"

O.o


End file.
